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Birth After 35 More a Matter of Circumstance than Choice

By April 24, 2015 Blog, Featured Home, Popular Posts
Looking-Cute-Happy-Baby

Looking-Cute-Happy-Baby

If you’ve read my blog for longer than a minute, you know that I seldom watch or listen to any program featuring giving birth after 35 or 40. Most of them seem to have one agenda: show that women who give birth in their 40s are selfish, too career-focused, put themselves and unborn children at risk.

I am pleasantly surprised by a few like Nancy Redd, host of HuffPost Live, who did a fantastic job tackling “advanced maternal age” outdated term. The show “Embracing Being An Older Mother’ originally aired December 4, 2014.

As founder/editor/writer of  InSeason Mom, , I have met countless first time moms over 35 and 40. I have not met one who intentionally waited to have a baby until she was over 35.  How absurd for the media to encourage the misconception that older women were so obsessed with their careers that they lost track of time and ignored their personal lives. I do not know any woman who suddenly woke up to exclaim, “Wow, I’m over 35 and forgot to have a baby!”

Not every woman magically finds “Mr. Right” in her 20s.  Also, there are many women who tried for years to conceive and natural conception did not occur until after age 35.

Researcher Kristy Budds of the University of Huddersfield (UK) stated that delayed motherhood is more a matter of circumstance rather than choice as portrayed by the media. In a paper presented to the British Psychology Society at St. Andrew’s University, the UK psychologist stated, “I don’t like the term ‘delayed’ because it implies choice. It implies that women who have babies later on are putting something off or waiting for something. I question whether it is actually a choice. When women give birth in their late thirties or in their forties, it is not necessarily the result of a lifestyle choice — putting off motherhood for career reasons or from a desire to ‘have it all’. Nor should they be accused of selfishness or taking undue health risks. For a lot of women, it isn’t a selfish choice but is based around careful decisions, careful negotiations and life circumstances.”

I believe education is one of the key components in erasing ignorance about a people, a thing or an idea.  I welcome more objective (updated) research on first time moms in their late thirties or in their forties. And to Researcher Kristy Budds, thanks for your contribution to educating others about first time moms over 35 and women who will become moms in their late 30s and 40s. You expressed what we first time moms over 35 knew all along!

 

Healthy Outlook On Your Over 40 Pregnancy

By April 11, 2015 Featured Home, Uncategorized
pic3-First Time Mom Over 40-Avoid these things

pic3-First Time Mom Over 40-Avoid these things

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Meet Featured Mom Gabriella

By April 7, 2015 Blog, Featured Home, Featured Moms, Uncategorized
Gaby

GabyName: Gabriella

Age: 44

State of residence: Florida

Child(ren): 2 year old girl

Current or former profession(s): Assistant Principal turned stay at home, blogging, future homeschooling, super mom with a cape around my next and an “S” on my chest. J

Website: The Single Mom’s Corner http://thesinglemomscornerblog.com

PREGNANCY

How long were you trying to get pregnant?

I actually was not trying, and was led to believe by doctors that it was not possible for me to have children.

What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 40?

I didn’t knowingly do anything. For the last several years I have been mostly eating healthy and exercising, but nothing out of the ordinary.

SUPPORT

Medical Community

How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

I was very lucky to have found a doctor who also gave birth after 40. It was a blessing to receive encouraging advice and awesome prenatal care. When I first started going to this doctor I was told that I needed to rotate through all of the doctors in the practice to familiarize myself with them in the event I gave birth and my preferred doctor was not on call. There were two male doctors on staff, and one of them was a complete jerk. Everything from his mouth was negative. He repeatedly called my pregnancy a high-risk pregnancy when I had no health issues, and a healthy genetic background report. On one particular visit he started talking about low birth weight and high miscarriage rates in “older” moms. I cut him off and told him not to say another word to me. I also told him that he seriously needed to reconsider his profession because he clearly had issues!

Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

I stayed with my preferred doctor, and refuse to see the other doctors in the rotation. It was a blessing that my preferred doctor was on call the day my daughter was born.

Family and Friends

What was the reaction of friends and family when you told  them about your pregnancy?

Most of them were very happy for me. Regardless, I was so excited that it really didn’t matter.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

What do you remember most about the birth experience?

My daughter was a C-section baby. I remember being told to expect a lot of pressure. I was waiting for the pressure when I heard my daughter’s trying out very healthy lungs.

I’M A MOM!

What concerns you most about being a mom over 40 and how do you address these concerns?

I think I was most concerned about my energy level and being the oldest mom on the playground. To address these concerns, I started exercising again, dropped the extra weight and found a 40+ new moms group on MeetUp.com. As for the age thing, I don’t let it bother me. I have a beautiful and healthy little girl.

What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

I don’t except the “older” mom titles. I run around, play, wrestle, and enjoy every minute with my angel. Our favorite thing to do is to run around the beach collecting shells. We save them for art projects.

How has becoming a mom changed you?

Being a single mom has taught me to love with every inch of my heart, to smile until my face hurts, and to laugh until tears fall from my eyes!

What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35 or 40?

Do it! If you have no major reasons holding you back, go for it! Don’t ask for or except unsolicited advice or comments, and distance yourself from anyone who does not respect or support your decision. It’s also important to join a support group with other 35+ moms. You will be glad that you did!

Do you have any additional comments?

Do not be afraid to advocate for yourself. If you find that your doctor is one of many clinging on to the “It’s too risky to have a baby after 35″ song and dance, find another doctor! Before you do, ask him or her how they explain the increase of 40 plus women having healthy babies. Ask the doctor if he/she has facts to support this mindset and how or why does it apply to you! Do not be scared into genetic testing or any other testing that is “highly” recommended for “older” moms. As with anything, do your research and form your own opinions. Most importantly think positively and enjoy your pregnancy, birth, and life as a new mommy!

 

 

HOPE TALKS FAITH WALKS-LIVE SUPPORT

By April 6, 2015 Blog, Featured Home, Uncategorized
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tryingtoconceiveInSeason Mom Founder and First Time Mom Over 40 Cynthia  is now offering  5 –DAYS OF LIVE SUPPORT.   This support is exclusively for emotional support and does not take the place of psychotherapy or professional counseling.  “I’m offering the support I wished I had when I was trying to conceive and when I was pregnant,” says Cynthia, who gave birth at age 42 and 44 to two healthy daughters. “Hope calls. Faith walks,” is how one customer who is now a friend and now a new mommy describes my service. I was blessed with the opportunity to support her through preconception, pregnancy, birth and now with her newborn. I do believe their is a Power greater than circumstances. There is Hope. There is God.”

                                                 (Two Support Programs Offered)

 

Trying to Conceive in Your 40s Coping Tips

 Description: Discover over 30 practical spiritual, mental and physical tips to cope while trying to conceive. No depressing medical jargon or statistics. Trying to Conceive in Your 40s Coping Tips (e-book) included and unlimited email support during 5-day support program.

Time: InSeason Mom Founder Cynthia provides 30-40 minutes of support for 5 consecutive days via telephone scheduled at a time mutually convenient for both of you.

 Support Outline

Day 1: Failing Faith in God, Self & Others

Day 2: Taking Care of Self-Mentally (PT I)

Day 3: Taking Care of Self-Mentally (PT II)

Day 4  Taking Care of Self-Physically

Day 5  Putting It All Together

 Ease Your Fear of Giving Birth after 35 and 40

Description:  There’s not an expectant mom alive who hasn’t experienced some anxiety about her baby. As an expectant mom over 35 and 40, you’re hit with a double dose of anxiety. You worry about your baby’s health and you worry about the role your age will play in the development of your baby. Your health care provider may not be providing the emotional support you need. Explore misconceptions about motherhood after 35 to help you gain confidence and tackle your fear.

 Time: InSeason Mom Founder Cynthia provides 30-40 minutes of support for 5 consecutive days via telephone scheduled at a time mutually convenient for both of you.

 Support Outline

Day 1: Emotionally Healthy-PT-I

Day 2: Emotionally Healthy-PT- II-

Day 3: Physically Healthy-PT -I

Day 4: Physically Healthy-PT-II

Day 5:             Post Pregnancy

WHY 5-DAYS LIVE SUPPORT MAY BE FOR YOU?

You want to talk to a woman who can relate to your desire to have a baby in your late 30s or 40s.

You want to talk to a woman who understands your fear of growing too old to have a baby.

You want to talk to a woman who understands your fear of bringing a baby into a blended or stepfamily.

You want to talk to a woman who will provide time to share concerns on your heart.

You want to talk to a woman who is NOT a psychotherapist/counselor/medical professional and will not be acting in this role during the live support. You want to talk InSeason Mom Founder Cynthia who conceived naturally, gave birth at age 42 to her first child, a healthy baby girl and again at age 44 to a second healthy girl. Cynthia has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications and has taught childbirth education at a major Southeastern hospital.

Her 5-Day Live Support sessions are rooted in her Christian faith of compassion and are  private and tailored to your individual concerns. The information she provides is intended for use as a general reference only. It is necessarily selective and deals with only some of the issues you may wish to consider when giving birth or becoming a mother over 35.  It does not constitute or is a substitution for medical advice from your physician or health care professional.

5-Day Live Support



MEET FEATURED MOM ANITA ANDERSON

By January 10, 2015 Blog, Featured Home, Featured Moms, Uncategorized
Anita

Anita

Name: Anita Anderson

Age: 51

State of residence: California

Children’s names and ages: Ethan 8 years old & Chantel 24 years old

Current profession: Owner/Web Developer ACA Web Consulting www.acawebconsulting.com

PREGNANCY

How long were you trying to get pregnant?

I was trying three months.

What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 40?

I had suffered a miscarriage 3 months prior to conceiving. I started on herbal teas of red raspberry leaf, red clover, nettle and dandelion. I supported my pregnancy with Vitex extract and progesterone cream.

SUPPORT

Medical Community

How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

My doctor and midwives were very supportive.  I opted out of a lot of the ‘advanced maternal age’ testing and they were respectful of my choices.

Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

I did not. My doctors office was made up of midwives and medical doctors. I loved them. I was also seeing a homebirth midwife because we had wanted a homebirth. The collaboration of both practices was great.

Family and Friends

What was the reaction of friends and family when you told them about your pregnancy?

‘Are you crazy?’ ‘You’re starting over again now?’ ‘You’re going to be old when he grows up.’ That last one was from my 16 year old daughter.

Labor and Delivery

What do you remember most about the birth experience?

I was very educated and aware of my options and choices. I wanted a homebirth and was working with a homebirth midwife as well as my doctors. My little man was due October 4th but was taking his time. I finally went into labor on October 25. I had meconium in my water when it broke so we headed to the hospital. Due to fetal distress, he was delivered healthy via emergency c-section. The emergency part was alarming and not very fun, but he came out healthy and screaming . The recuperation process was very quick. I left the hospital before they were ready to discharge me!

I’M A MOM

What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you address these concerns? 

Initially after my son was born I didn’t have any like-minded moms in my life to commiserate with. All my friends had children who were almost ready to graduate high school. I tried playgroups but the moms I met were closer to my daughter’s age than mine. So I started an over 35 moms meetup in San Diego county. It really helped having support and like-minded women to be around; women who cherished being a mom later in life. Through that group I have made lifetime friends and we’ve watched our children grow up together. I am so grateful this little boy was placed in my life as a gift!

What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

Having wisdom from being on this earth for 50+ years and being able to cherish my son with that wisdom.

How has becoming a mom changed you?

Going through mothering a young child again is wonderful. The things that I fussed over as a 27 year old first time mom have lost their hold on me and my parenting. I have been given a gift of blessing this little soul with direction and care and I couldn’t be more thankful. He brings joy, excitement and fullness to my life.

What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35? 

Don’t believe all the fear mongering of having a child later in life. Many of the AMA (advanced maternal age) tests have lots of false positives. Get educated, look into alternative medicine for your pregnancy and thereafter in your child rearing. Most of the older moms I know are some of the most grounded, wonderful women because of their life experiences.Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

 

 

MEET FEATURED MOM DARLINE TURNER

By December 1, 2014 Blog, Featured Home, Featured Moms, Uncategorized
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darline turner_400x400Name: Darline Turner

Age: 49

State of residence: Texas

Children and ages: 12 year old daughter and an 8 year old son

Current or former profession(s): Women’s Health Coach (Currently), Nationally Certified Physician Assistant (Not currently working clinically); Owner and Founder of Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond  www.mamasonbedrest.com

PREGNANCY

How long were you trying to get pregnant? 

I could get pregnant pretty easily, but I would miscarry early on before 12 weeks. Started in 2001, had first miscarriage and myomectomy to remove uterine fibroids. I had my daughter in 2002 at age 37 and my son in 2006 (after a second miscarriage in 2004) age 40.

What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 40?

I was put on progesterone suppositories at ovulation because it was discovered that I had a luteal phase defect and my uterine lining was not developing enough to support the pregnancies.

SUPPORT

The Medical Community

How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?

They were supportive of the pregnancy, but not of me or my life in particular. Being older and high risk, I don’t feel they really took to heart the emotional toll it took on me, especially since I was without family or support in the immediate area.

I felt left to my own devices to get the help and support I needed. That is why I started Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond. I wanted to be the support I wish I had had; i.e. help around the house, help with my daughter (second pregnancy) and emotional support.

Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?

No. My OB and her practice were overall very good and very good with dealing with women with my types of medical complications. I opted for the technical expertise over the emotional intelligence.

Family and Friends

What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy? My family was supportive, but cautious. I was pregnant with my son and turned 40 during the pregnancy. Having had a miscarriage, surgery to remove uterine fibroids prior to having my daughter, and then a second miscarriage, we all kind of held our collective breaths while I carried my son. Ironically, it was the easiest journey of my entire reproductive life!

LABOR AND DELIVERY

What do you remember most about the birth experience? 

Well, I hemorrhaged after having my daughter. Initially, she did not cry when she first was lifted out of me (c-section) and I was moving and squirming trying to see her. She finally cried and then was whisked out of the surgical delivery suite to the nursery. She had fluid on her lung and they needed to “work on her breathing”.

Meanwhile, I was bleeding and throwing up and my OB’s partner (who delivered in my OB’s absence since I was 3 weeks early) worked diligently to stimulate my very “boggy and non- contracting uterus” and to stop the bleeding and stitch me up while the anesthesiologist gave me something to stop the vomiting and calm me down. I was pretty upset that they took my daughter and I really didn’t get to see or hold her!

I remember there was a lot of hustle and bustle as instrument packs were opened and everyone prepped to work on me. My husband had left to go with my daughter and I remember thinking what a horrible joke it would be if after everything I went through, I didn’t live to see/hold my daughter! I was really upset. For a time, every time the OB stitched, blood shot up like Old Faithful. But she was very focused and skilled and after about 45 minutes, I was all stitched up. It was 12 hours before I held my daughter and that was as she was on her way up to the NICU.

My son’s birth was the polar opposite. Since my husband was less than useless during my daughter’s delivery, I asked my sister to be with me in the delivery room. My son was born at 39 weeks via C-section. My OB delivered him and it was a nearly perfect C-section except the anesthesiologist missed while giving the epidural and initially only numbed my left side.

It also really hurt and I broke out into a sweat, started shaking and nearly fainted.

However, once they got the epidural properly administered, the delivery occurred without a problem. My son came out with the most hilarious expression on his face as if to say, “Are you freaking kidding me? It’s cold a stink out her!” He then looked at each one of us and then let out a wail! Dr. Swenson the held him up by his legs, something about letting the fluid out of his lungs and he proceeded to pee around the entire delivery room.

When My OB went to stitch me up, that bleeding thing wanted to start up, so she had my son put to my breast and he nursed like a champ! Meanwhile, his nursing stimulated my uterus to contract and the bleeding was averted. While this delivery went much more smoothly, I had a much harder recovery. Nursing really made my C-section incision hurt and my back hurt for months after the delivery-about 6 months to be exact! Even now, almost 9 years later, on very rare occasions when I’m tired or have done a vigorous workout, I can feel EXACTLY where I had that epidural.

 I’M A MOM!Darline T

What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you address these concerns?

Nothing really. For me, the problem was getting the kids here. Once I had them, I had no concerns whatsoever about raising them.

What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?

I think I’m much smarter. I didn’t worry about having the latest and greatest baby items. I was really clear about how I was going to do motherhood, so I didn’t get sucked up into the commercial/retail craze. Also, being a Physician Assistant, I don’t sweat colds and such. My kids are super healthy and each have had only one ear infection. I’m also much more savvy about their development and behaviors. I don’t sweat things that they do nearly as much as I would if I were a younger mom. Having practiced clinically for 8 years before becoming pregnant really gave me a level of knowledge and comfort I never would have had had I had children younger. I honestly feel I had my kids at the perfect age.

How has becoming a mom changed you?

I let go of a lot of superfluousness! Being single or even a newlywed, I worried about a lot of truly inconsequential things. Once I had kids, I could see a lot of that fluff for just what it was-superfluous fluff! I let it go. I gained a lot of wisdom and perspective having my kids.

What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?

If you really want to do it, DO IT!! Don’t let people scare you with all sorts of statistics and “advanced maternal age” stuff. If you are healthy and there are no contraindications to you having children, go for it! Just realize that you may encounter a few more complications, but most are easily resolved. Take good care of yourself and you and your baby will most likely be fine!!

Additional comments?

I truly believe that if you are meant to have children, you will. I say this because I have a cousin who had a baby at age 52, completely healthy, after having and losing a son at 18 to Sickle Cell Anemia. My little cousin was destined to come and come she did! If you really feel in your heart you are to have children, go for it! You wouldn’t have the desire if it wasn’t for you!