Age when you gave birth: 40
State of residence: Hawaii
Child’s name and age: Sagan, 3 months
Current profession: Entrepreneur, vocal coach/mentor
How long were you trying to get pregnant?
I was trying 14 months.
What did you do or not do to increase your chances of getting pregnant after 40?
After the first three months of trying, I started eating healthier, eliminated coffee–my weakness. I walked a mile to work almost daily for seven months. I aimed to stay calm and not stress so much while working with Cynthia(coaching services) at InSeason Mom to gain perspective. As we approached the one year-mark with no pregnancy, I tried acupuncture. After two acupuncture treatments, we visited my OB for an annual exam, and my OB recommended a fertility specialist. We booked the specialist not knowing I was already pregnant! When I later tested positive, we were elated! Call it serendipity, our patience paid off! I continued with acupuncture until my daughter’s delivery.
How supportive were your doctors during your pregnancy?
My OB had no qualms about me trying acupuncture. She pushed us to start conceiving ASAP when she knew I was 38. She warned me it might take some time. She was super-supportive yet matter-of-fact. It was tough to hear the truth but we took the risk any way!
Did you change doctors or would like to have changed doctors? Why or why not?
We had a good relationship with our doctor, and we trusted her. It took me years to find just the right one. I believe that when the hope of having a child grew strong in our hearts, we were led to her. Word-of-mouth! She was perfect for us.
What was the reaction of friends and family when you told me about your pregnancy?
Absolutely ecstatic! My mom laughed and cried. My younger brother didn’t believe me; he figured that after 39 years, having no children thus far, that children were not in my future. Was he in shock, but he was extremely happy! Our circle was very supportive. In fact, a few of my friends are having their first children after 35. What’s “normal” anyway?
LABOR AND DELIVERY
What do you remember most about the birth experience?
Our baby came on her due date. We had a great staff. We thought we were going to lose our daughter when she went under fetal distress early on. So I stayed open to the process and had an epidural. I learned to trust the experts and my doctor; they were fabulous. I allowed them to use their wisdom and experience to allow my baby to come through. Her health and safety were my number one concern! My husband was super-supportive and never left my side. It took work, patience, and an openness to do whatever was necessary to deliver the child. I gave birth naturally and was mostly surrounded women in the birthing process. This reminded me of how strong women truly are… it takes a village.
I’M A MOM
What concerns you most about being a mom over 35 and how do you address these concerns?
My only concern is that I have the energy, strength, and will to be the parent she needs. Besides that, I’d like to live as long as possible to be there for all her critical moments, her firsts, her successes, and even her disappointments. The world is changing so quickly but I want her to inherit some good common sense and be equipped to handle things. Being 40 means she has a great mentor, teacher, and a never-ending well of support, love and care.
What do you enjoy most about being an older mom?
I have no urge to party or impress others. I am calm, more patient. I know my priorities and enjoy the quiet, sacred moments, and I can say “no” to things. I choose my time with her and my husband with a level of wisdom and freedom that I would not have had at a younger age. I know myself. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. In fact, this is a new chapter I am embracing wholeheartedly. I feel I can mentor her and love her on a level that my parents did not. We (my husband and I) can create a new reality and family dynamic. I’m glad I worked on my career when I did because now I can enjoy the fresh air of parenthood by slowing down and being engaged more consciously. I feel I’ve earned it. And I’m still learning! Oprah Winfrey once said: “You can have it all. Just not all at once.”
How has becoming a mom changed you?
You learn “selflessness” very quickly, and I look at my child and want to give her the world. Time is precious, especially when you run a business like I do. You manage your time more intentionally and learn to focus on what matters. You find a way to sacrifice certain things and make things happen! Raising a child is a privilege and a blessing.
What advice do you have for women considering motherhood after 35?
Go for it. Don’t waste time on the past. Get healthy, stay healthy, and surround yourself with people who support your Path. By all means, look at your options, there is no one way to conception. And have a life! It’s when you least expect it to happen that the miracle happens!